Lo, the End is Near

Our men have had visions and our women have dreamed dreams.
There are wars and rumors of war, in Babylon no less.
The End Times are here.
The time has come.
For on the very same day two babes were born from opposing camps. This can only mean one thing: both the Second Coming and the Anti-Christ are now here on Earth. But, to hide their identity from the orthodox believers, they both took the form of little girls.
Okay, so Brooke is no "Virgin Mary" and her mother is certainly no St. Anne, nonetheless I will ascribe that little baby Grier may well be the Second Coming of Christ.
But, how can I be so certain? Because on the same day the spawn of Tom Cruise and his brainwashed concubine Katie Holmes issued forth: Suri.
Soon we will see the 144,000, the chosen ones, those who own a copy of Blue Lagoon AND Pretty Baby disappear in the Rapture. Then will come the time of Tribulation when no one dare be "glib".
O woe unto us for the trials that await.