Regrets, I've had a few...

Maybe because it is the Lenten season this time of year is often a time for reflection which, for me, invariably leads me to ponder the road(s) not taken.

”Of all the words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these... it might have been.” -- John Greenleaf Whittier

Not to discount the wonderful things in our lives now which we might have missed had we taken a different path, however, there’s always the “what if” of our past that bubble up every now and again. So without diminishing current relationships and states in life, what are your regrets of your past? I’ll start.

I regret…
• … being overweight throughout high school (and my entire life) which robbed me of so much self-confidence that I never thought I was worthy of the relationships I really wanted (e.g. Kendra Torrey: extremely cute, highly intelligent, talented musician and completely out of my league.) or the roles I desired (Editor-in-Chief, or the lead in the plays).
• …not “playing the field” in my early years. (Could never master being the kind of jerk that women seemed to go for; I was always the “pal”—the pal who goes home alone.)
• …listening to my well-meaning mother and all the others who convinced me that acting and performing is only for “special” people.
• …not joining the military because I thought I was too much of an anti-authority smart-ass (and a physical wimp).
• …not understanding the inherently adversarial relationship between schools and parents of special ed kids early on.
• …never learning to ask for help when I didn’t understand something.

Interestingly, I never realized until now that all of my regrets are things I didn’t do, not things I did. I guess that’s what comes from being a “good kid”. No criminal record but a feeling that you missed out on a lot. But before we spend too much time on this, another quote would be instructional:

“Regret is an appalling waste of energy; you can't build on it; it's only good for wallowing in.” – Katherine Mansfield

It’s taken me some time but I’m finally at a point where I can look back on my regrets and simply accept them like the scar on my hand. It’s not particularly attractive but it is part of what makes me uniquely me.