Sea Cruise

Apparently actor Tom Cruise would rather "get clear" than get clean OK, I admit to a bit of envy of a man my age schtupping Katie Holmes^* (she won me over in her luscious nude scene in The Gift) but, c'mon, someone needs to prick that prick's ego to allow a bit of a sense of humor inside.

Overshadowing such trivial events like the Downing Street Memo, more deaths in Iraq, Global Warming confirmations, and the threat of recess apointment of John Bolton, we must examine the seminal event of the year: "The Squirting of Tom". A phony reporter maneuvers a "microphone" in front of the publicity seeking Mr. Cruise at the London premiere of his latest flick (Steven Speilberg's War of the Worlds) and squirts the Tomcat right in his kisser. From the video I've seen it looked like Cruise was smiling at first but that could also have been a grimaced reaction to watery onslaught. Whatever. Immediately, Cruise seems to realize that he's been made to play the fool in front of all those people and all those cameras and we see what happens when we mere mortal dare to taunt a demigod.

Oh, if only Kokopelli was there...<cue dream sequence effects>

Cruise: Now, why would you do that? Why would you do that?
Koko: Uh...because it's funny?
Cruise: That's incredible you would do that. I'm here giving you an interview...
Koko: Excuse me? Giving me...? All the press here are giving you the opportunity to promote your movie and help you make even more money. This isn't news by any stretch of the imagination. It is hype and you and your studio are the primary beneficiaries so don't try to come off all generous just because you deigned to lower yourself to talk to the "little people".
Cruise: ...answering your questions and you do something really nasty. You're a jerk.
Koko: Geez, Tommy, it's just water. It's not like it was pig's blood. Can't you take a joke?

^*Come to think of it, Miss Holmes did show a penchant for the older gents in Wonder Boys, didn't she. Hmm...now that Sandra and Drew are spoken for, perhaps I should find a way to wrench the young wench from the clutches of her Scientologist Svengali.