Sea Cruise

Apparently actor Tom Cruise would rather "get clear" than get clean OK, I admit to a bit of envy of a man my age schtupping Katie Holmes^* (she won me over in her luscious nude scene in The Gift) but, c'mon, someone needs to prick that prick's ego to allow a bit of a sense of humor inside.

Overshadowing such trivial events like the Downing Street Memo, more deaths in Iraq, Global Warming confirmations, and the threat of recess apointment of John Bolton, we must examine the seminal event of the year: "The Squirting of Tom". A phony reporter maneuvers a "microphone" in front of the publicity seeking Mr. Cruise at the London premiere of his latest flick (Steven Speilberg's War of the Worlds) and squirts the Tomcat right in his kisser. From the video I've seen it looked like Cruise was smiling at first but that could also have been a grimaced reaction to watery onslaught. Whatever. Immediately, Cruise seems to realize that he's been made to play the fool in front of all those people and all those cameras and we see what happens when we mere mortal dare to taunt a demigod.

Oh, if only Kokopelli was there...<cue dream sequence effects>

Cruise: Now, why would you do that? Why would you do that?
Koko: Uh...because it's funny?
Cruise: That's incredible you would do that. I'm here giving you an interview...
Koko: Excuse me? Giving me...? All the press here are giving you the opportunity to promote your movie and help you make even more money. This isn't news by any stretch of the imagination. It is hype and you and your studio are the primary beneficiaries so don't try to come off all generous just because you deigned to lower yourself to talk to the "little people".
Cruise: ...answering your questions and you do something really nasty. You're a jerk.
Koko: Geez, Tommy, it's just water. It's not like it was pig's blood. Can't you take a joke?

^*Come to think of it, Miss Holmes did show a penchant for the older gents in Wonder Boys, didn't she. Hmm...now that Sandra and Drew are spoken for, perhaps I should find a way to wrench the young wench from the clutches of her Scientologist Svengali.

Early Summer Flicks

Just a quick post to say that so far my summer movie viewing has been a great 2 out of 2.

Waited a couple of weeks for the hype to die down but finally took the family out to see Star Wars: Revenge of the Sith. Yes! This one almost completely redeems the last two movies and that, my friends, is saying something. Not that I hated those films but they were so far below the heightened bar of the SW franchise that they were a disappointment by comparison. But this one...oh boy! Dark, long, deep and ultimately compelling. The only thing missing (and which would have made this the best of all SW flicks) was a Han Solo type character. Definitely would go back and see this one again.

Last weekend the wifey and I took in Batman Begins and were equally well pleased. Again, a dark and brooding film which captures well some of the source material from Frank Miller's graphic novel Batman: Year One. What a cast: Christian Bale, Liam Neeson, Michael Caine, Morgan Freeman, Gary Oldman, Tom Wilkinson, Rutger Hauer, and the surprise standout for me Cillian Murphy as Dr. Jonathan Crane. Like the Spiderman movies, this one is not just about action and superhero fluff but deals with themes of revenge and justice and salvation. There were, however, two downers to note.

One was the director does not know how to film a fight sequence. Please, sir, take a gander at Spiderman 2 for some pointers. I am a major fan of the buckled swash and there was plenty of that as well as the traditional fisticuffs. But Christopher Nolan (who did the phenomenal Memento) is a bit too obsessed with the actor's faces. Thing is, Chris, when they're moving around so much we can't even glimpse who it is we're looking at when you've got the camera just ten freaking inches away from them! Plus, maybe I'm just too pre-MTV-gen but the edits went so fast that key elements of the danse violent were lost (like how the spurs on the glove could grab a sword, f'r instance, and just who's glove and who's sword would've been nice to know, too).

Secondly, I recommend all us grown-ups avoid movie theaters on weekend evenings. The giggling, mumbling, outright talking and seat-bumping from the teens behind us made us yearn for the good ol' days of ushers with flashlights in hand. I seriously thinking of bringing my own to the next film I see and shining it in the offender's face: "Hey, buddy, I said keep it down!" No wonder more and more folks are opting to watch movies at home. That and the sawbuck I had to hand over for the missus and I to get in. Still, I'm going to go back and see it again as my daughters still want to see it.